Bride seeing can be strange, funny, ridiculous and outright scary. You know you want to say no when the groom and his family come up with some requirements but then you hesitate because you question your judgement. My friends and I pooled our collective experiences as the ‘bride’s mother’.
Here are ten red flags at the bride seeing ceremony that tell you to Just Say NO!
“Is the girl taller than our boy? She should accept our condition never to wear heels!”
One prospective groom’s family said this after ‘seeing’ our daughter. His mother made them stand next to each other to check their height. After they left my poor husband was puzzled. My daughter was up in arms. “Ma, What next? I can’t stand up straight because he may ‘feel’ I’m slighting him?
“She is dusky! Our boy is wheatish in complexion. We need extra X tula extra to consider her.”
Here I thought whole wheat and brown bread was the in thing even in India. Wake up folks—wheatish is not the same as white! So we are all a shade of brown!
“We want an educated and homely girl. She can’t go to work outside the home.“
I’ve never understood the multiple ironies in this. She has to be educated but can’t use her education to her satisfaction. She has to be homely—how did a word which meant the opposite of ‘comely’ take its own meaning in Indian English?
Continuing along the lines of the ‘homely’ expectations…
“She can’t go out with friends after marriage.”
There are two kinds of descriptions about our boy after this demand-our boy doesn’t go out with friends—he is all about family. In this case he is socially inept.
Our boy will go because he is a man but the girl shouldn’t—then he is a player but bahu has to be sati savitri. Beware!!!
When they find out that you are planning to help with your daughter’s education expenses after she goes overseas.
“She should change her field to one that will allow our boy to buy a house in…”
Pooling finances to buy a house is a perfectly reasonable expectation. But that isn’t the reason to force your daughter to change her field.
If your daughter is already working overseas…
“Will she draw the same salary as an IT engineer, a doctor, an investment banker…?”
You know and they know that isn’t going to happen. They are just preparing you for the long list they want you to give your daughter for her well being (no, not dowry )
“With great power comes great responsibilities.”
In other words, “The girl has to manage the household, go to work and take care of everyone in the family”
In still other words a self centered family is looking for a superwoman (not Spider man, sorry) who will do their bidding because they can’t be bothered to take care of themselves.
In the case of the ‘foren groom’, if they give you time slots and numbers, or
if you have to bring the girl to the “airport because our boy is on such a tight schedule”
Many times our boy will go home and the feedback arrives,
“Our boy liked the younger sister!”
Before you rush to find someone—anyone for your older daughter, STOP! This is beyond vulgar…Just Say NO! You don’t need any other rationalization.
After the financial discussions are over, slowly they talk about our girl.
“She is ours from now on. She has to forget she came from a different family and has to absorb our traditions, our food habits, our dialect, our…”
NO! She is still your daughter, not to be pawned off on someone along with a ton of jewellery and money!!!
All is not lost. Wait for the “If you meet one of these ten guys, consider a YES!” In the works, folks!
(This article was submitted by Varsha)